“Sometimes going in one more round when you don’t think you can. That makes all the difference in your life. -Rocky Balboa”
By now if you have been following me you must know I’m a huge Rocky movie buff and will take any opportunity to insert a quote into my story. It occurred to me a few years ago why I have this connection to the Rocky movies and to Rocky himself. One part is that Sly Stallone reminds me of my father in many ways. My dad was a tough guy from the east coast, loved the gym and lifting, and maybe looked a little like Stallone to me. We used to watch all the movies together so in a way when I replay the movies I connect with dad each time, which I have missed since 2002 when he passed away. The other part is that Rocky Balboa is a total dark house and overcomes insurmountable odds, often struggles as a man to find his identity, wants to raise his son as a strong and confident boy, and is relentless in those last rounds of all his fights. And those things resonate with me.
The 2019 Chicago Marathon wasn’t everything that I wanted. But it was everything that I needed. I had big goals. I took risks. I went through halfway in 1:12:56, faster than any marathon by over a minute. I didn’t make it at that pace but I found my limits. As I posted on twitter I crapped my pants around mile 22. To give you an insider’s view to the dialogue between Ben and I at mile 22. I said “I am going to the bathroom. He turns and says “ok there’s a bridge you can duck out to up here on the side of the road.” I reply “no I mean past tense, I already WENT to the bathroom.” I will be brutally honest. This was mortifying to me. And I have had my share of moments post partum that felt like an all time low. But this one takes the cake. I knew it was possible but as athletes we practice everything and stick to routine to ensure no surprises to the body on race day and maintain regularity. But my gut has been an issue for me over the last 18 months to 2 years. I crossed my fingers that I would have no issues on race day. But it happened and happened very quickly. Can I laugh about it now? Absolutely.
So now I’m 4 miles from the finish and I’m struggling. And I have crap on my legs. It is not what envisioned this fall while training out on Lake Mary Road. Instead of storming home I was crawling home. I wanted to yell to Ben “I’m trying so hard but I can’t move any faster.” He stayed with me after his official pace duties were over and I knew he could sense how much I was slipping from our pace. He would unintentionally gap me as I kept slowing each mile. I had run 30k at 2:25ish pace and I was losing my goals every step. But you know what happens in those moments? You discover why you run and what you’re really in this for. In those raw, exposed moments you can see how much fight you have in you. Nothing else mattered but getting to the finish line. And not just for me. For all the people who have my back. Too many to name and thank. But I’ll try. Ben, Josh, Carrie, Jen, Larry, my teammates, my best friends, Shea, Bradley, Wes, AJ, JB, Dahna, the Rothsteins, the Bruces, the amazing and loyal fans. I am fighting to the finish line for you guys. I want to hold myself accountable for the goals and purpose I put out there. Because in one way or another you have impacted my journey. I know you won’t be disappointed in me no matter how I finish, but your support means the world.
Training and racing Chicago began with the intention of being RelentIess. It turned into so much more that I am grateful for. I have this 2nd chance in my running career post babies. The timeline might not always match up with what I want but I know it’s my path and I own it. I found out that I fight the hardest when I’m the furthest from my goals. Because that’s when it’s needed most. Because everyone can forge ahead when they’re feeling good and on the brink of success. I often don’t vividly remember my best races because they came so effortlessly to me. But the races you remember are the ones you earned. I earned my 6th place and 2:27:47 at Chicago through blood, sweat, tears, and a little crap.
Thanks to everyone for following along this build up and race. Here’s to carrying momentum into the winter and showing up to the starting line of the Olympic Marathon Trials February 29th healthy and with a fighting chance to try and make the team.
-STEPH BRUCE