Progress can be missed when we are simply looking for it in it’s physical appearance. I know this to be true in regards to my stomach. My post partum stomach. With it’s loose skin and separated abs and protruding belly button. After 4 years I wanted it to look different because I feel different. I feel strong and healthy and like a badass who is ready to go the distance. But the truth is looks can be deceiving.
About 4 years ago I finished a workout on the track. I was 6 months post partum, finally getting my groove back, and I saw a glimmer of my old self. I crushed a session of 400, 300, 200 x 3. I ran 69 seconds for the 400, and the last time I had that speed in my legs was 2 1/2 years prior. I felt strong and powerful and hopeful. And then in a instant I almost let it slip away. I looked down at my HOKA spikes and I saw my saggy post partum belly hanging over my shorts and my belly button that had been protruded probably from an umbilical hernia. I was caught in the moment of criticizing my new body and I longed to look like the pre baby woman who was proud to show off her stomach. The woman who was comfortable to wear a sports bra around others, who didn’t care that when I did a plank my skin sags. And sags hard. Was this new skin still me? Turns out it was. And turns out this new skin is here to stay. And she was also stronger and more determined than the pre baby woman I knew. I liked this new version of me even though she may have looked different.
When I posted these feelings on IG in 2016 with the caption: saggy skin, here to stay, powerful legs ready to fly, well some of you know, it sort of caught fire. It resonated I guess. But it was just me, real and raw, in that moment post workout reflecting. And I thought I wonder how many other post partum moms feel this way? That day brought so many things to light. So many issues I found women were facing and didn’t have the safe space to talk about. Didn’t have the confidence to show off their new skin. It was actually the inspiration to launch this website. The inspiration to the hashtag #journeywithsteph. To share the messy truths of being a woman, mom, and professional athlete. So if you’ve found me, welcome and thanks for reading.
In the beginning it was a bit overwhelming because so many women had questions and wanted to know what I did, how I did it, and I didn’t have all the answers. I still don’t. I’ve written blogs, posted youtube videos, hosted IG and Facebook lives to create this safe space and share my experiences. But I’m leaning in more. Leaning into the discussion, not just the appearance. It’s easy to see a picture and judge. It’s easy to see yourself in the mirror and judge. I’d love to tell you that the story of what our bodies look like and what they can do is worth sharing. Because there’s always more to the story than just a picture of stretch marks, loose skin, and diastsatis recti.
Like the story of this past week as I finished my Fartlek workout on Wednesday. I warmed up 3 miles on a beautiful still morning. I laced up by Carbon Rockets and set out for 20 x 1 minute on, 1 min off. These workouts are what you make of them. A chance to push during the ons, and maybe keep pressure going during the offs. A chance to flirt with some faster paces that maybe you haven’t touched in a few months. And I flirted hard, running my last 1 minute at 4:51 pace at the end of 6.5 miles of work at 7000ft. I was pleasantly tired, and heard a voice whisper “I think you’re getting fit, don’t rush it.” And then I looked down. Just like I had 4 years ago. To see progress. You see I used to measure how far I had come based on if my stomach appearance had changed. I wanted to SEE progress. Four years ago the workout I finished on the track was only 2 miles of work and towards the end I started to creep towards 4:40 pace. But my pelvis still ached after sessions, and my hips and adductors were chronically tight, and my progress felt slow and unimpressive.
The truth is today in 2020 I would kick 2016 Steph’s ass in anything. And do you know what was exactly the same in these workouts, 4 years apart? How my stomach looked. How my skin was saggy and my belly button protruding. Because progress isn’t always about seeing it. It’s about feeling it.
Do you see what I’m getting at? It does not matter how our post partum body looks. It matters how we feel in them and what we can do in them. My belly and post partum body is my new me. It shows up for me all the time. It holds strong during 15 mile Steady States at 5:40 pace. It allows me to dead lift 115lbs. It has out kicked my competition at the end of races. I used to want to see physical changes because that would mean I am healed right? Wrong. My stomach will always look this way. It has battle scars from childbirth. It has strong abs underneath the loose skin because I’ve devoted years to retraining my core, and done my post partum due diligence. I don’t skimp on my strength routine. I am proud of the progress I’ve made. I may still look down at my feet after a workout. But instead of seeing one piece of my post partum journey, I will feel how far I’ve come. I’ve come to respect my body the older I get. I stopped disliking the parts of me that weren’t perfect or that have changed over the years. Every time I put on running shorts, I’ll always have some extra skin over the waistband from having babies. My DR will never look as if I didn’t have children. There will always be a gap. But I choose function over appearance. So what I’m trying to say is take your shirts off in the gym. Take them off on a hot run. Keep the lights on some nights in your bedroom. Flaunt what you have. Ignore the looks from others. Tell yourself you measure up. Because if you love the shit out of your body, odds are it won’t fail you. Note to self: Feel the progress, don’t keep looking for it in a picture.
Dream Big
Steph Bruce
