Pressure and Periods

Let me share something about how you feel vs. what you can do.

One year ago I remember going to sleep in my hotel in Pittsburgh, trying to erase all the negative chatter in my head about how my body was feeling. I firmly believe in the power of your thoughts and how your body perceives those feelings.

As a headed into the Pittsburgh US Half marathon champs weekend I felt like trash. I was supposed to get my period Saturday, the day before the race. As many women can attest PMS symptoms can be tough to deal with. From bloating, to cramps, to mood swings, headaches, insomnia, and achey joints. We deal with the symptoms and we deal with them in silence. I have some fellow pro runner friends who are laid out before their period. Cramps are unbearable, and they can barely run, let alone race. Timing for them is of the essence. Sometimes we can do all the right things, put in the work, and when you wake up it’s just not your day. On this particular weekend I was letting how my body felt infringe on my confidence.

All of my training leading up to this race had been solid. But I was willing to let feeling crappy get to my head. My last tune up workout in Flagstaff, I stopped halfway through for a bathroom break. Something I never do in a workout. If that happens I usually call the workout. My legs were heavy and breathing was labored. I was running a 4 mile tempo around 5:40 pace, and in just 4 days time I was looking run 13.1 miles @ 5:20-5:25. There was no way. You see negative chatter has a sneaky way of undoing all the work we put in physically and mentally. Maybe it’s because we are nervous that if we don’t deliver the end result, why did we have the audacity to dream up the goal in the first place.

I needed my period to come. Although if it came before the race I would be relieved on one hand and inconvenienced on the other. Because racing post partum on my period has been an adventure. The kind of adventure where you’re halfway into a 10k road race, and your tampon is being pushed out, no one is around, so you reach and pull it out. You cross the finish line with cameras on you, and then look down to see the mess that you have waiting for you. This happened to me in 2016 in my first race back 5 months post partum. It was embarrassing but it was the truth of running and racing post partum. For me at least. Maybe I’m alone in this thinking. Maybe it is TMI. But I’m all about TMI if it can help someone relate.

So you can imagine those thoughts of an embarrassing period incident were creeping into my head before Pittsburgh. I woke up Sunday morning, with my cycle arriving late the night before, I was bloated and my digestion was all over the map. So I strapped on some bulky underwear, underneath my buns (yes that looked awesome), and hoped for the best. This is the part that gets me. So much of my attention and thoughts were aimed at my period, the nerves of something going awry mid race that I forgot the pressure I had put on myself. The pressure to finally PR after 6 years. The pressure to be in contention to win because my training cycle had gone well. These are the thoughts I wanted to take up my headspace, not my period. But training and racing as a woman has some curveballs, but understanding them and planning accordingly will only benefit us.

I study periods. Because well I get them. And I’m an athlete who is all about timing. I love following Dr. Stacy Sims whose research suggests the following:  

“Don’t be afraid of racing on your period,” says Sims. “It is a great time, physiologically, to hit the high-intensity demands of racing.

During menstruation, women’s estrogen and progesterone levels drop, which lowers an athlete’s core temperature. That can make it easier to hit higher intensities. Heart rate and respiration rates have a larger range too, which can lead to a race-day boost. 

“There’s a myth that performance is negatively affected, and that there is an increased risk of iron deficiency if you race on your period,” says Sims. “But that’s not true.” 

Barring prohibitively painful cramps or a higher than normal amount of bleeding, there’s no reason menstruation should stop someone from racing, according to Sims.”

You hear that: “it is a great time, physiologically, to hit the high-intensity demands of racing.” I needed to remember these key points researched and proven true by Dr. Stacy Sims. How I felt didn’t have to determine how I was going to do. I was ready. Ready to compete, ready to PR, and ready to test myself. If my mind was in the right place, so too my body could be.

Hey Everyone, please enjoy a quick recap of my race at Pittsburgh. I came in first place at the US Half Marathon Championships in a new PR of 70:44. Here's a...

I’ll save you the 13.1 mile race play by play and just tell you I was able to pull off the win. And I set a tiny PR of 70:44. I share this with you so you can understand we don’t always feel like badasses when we race. But we can still achieve great things when we feel bad. For me this win was important mentally because I didn’t accept my body telling me how bad it felt. I had to tell my mind to shut up in the race and just run. I believed in my fitness. I believed in the chance to find out how much I wanted it.

Dream Big

Steph Bruce

Keep Pressing

Today I ran to the end of the world. Well just about. We have this forest service road called Woody Mountain. It is a popular spot for long runs. For camping, for off roading. At the end of this road, about 25 miles from the start, you find an opening. A breathtaking panoramic view of the red rocks of Sedona. Views like this aren’t easy to find. You have to work for them. You have to press on. And be in it for the long run.

In the early morning I enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee in my backyard, waiting my turn to go run. Ben woke up early to knock out his run so they could follow me along mine. When I left my house the temps were already heating up. The sky was clear and so was my mind. So I thought. I had 20 miles on the schedule. And last week I got a little taste of fitness so I welcomed this 20 miles on my schedule. You see I still have big goals and dreams. And although the timeline to achieve them has been altered, the fire in me is very much alive and burning brightly.

I’ll admit it though. There are moments I wonder “is it all worth it.” Is the pursuit of self excellence worth all the motivational tricks, and the pushing when no one is telling you to run harder. The time in the gym to do prehab and rehab. Proving the doubters wrong. Walking the line of fatigue and trying to stay ahead of the curve. Am I pursuing a worthy cause, amidst the need for my attention and energy in other areas of my life? Worthy is only something you believe it to be. So yes, this pursuit is worthy of my time and attention and effort.

And so these thoughts powered me through miles 4-12 of the long run. Because I needed some powering today. My legs were heavy, and didn’t respond each time I tried to press. Life’s not always gonna respond when we press. We press ourselves into launching a new business and sometimes it grows slowly. Painfully slow. We press ourselves to recover in the post partum years only to be sidelined with a jammed up hip, and sleep deprivation, and the constant comparison of our pre baby selves. We press ourselves going after PRs and sometimes it takes 7 years to see the fruits of our labor. Still we press on.

I’m in my 15th mile now. Ben and the boys just gave me fluids. I’m rejuvenated. I only have 5 miles left. But the dust from zooming cars is blowing in my face, and the undulating road is relentless and taking it’s toll on my legs. There’s no prescribed workout. No finish line medal. But there is an opportunity to press. To test myself. To see if I respond.

I think about my mom. Who I haven’t seen for 5 weeks. Who has late stage metastatic breast cancer. And I think about her double mastectomy and when I changed her dressings after surgery. I think about how she presses on, against all odds. Her positivity and healing efforts have gotten her this far. I wanna tear up a little but I’m in the middle of my gosh damn long run, so “keep your shit together Stephanie. “

I run my 19th mile in 5:56. It’s downhill but it still requires effort. And I remind myself: EFFORT.

This last week, my effort was high, but no results were yielded. I lost patience with my kids, I gave up trying to properly homeschool. But Ben suggested we keep them active, we try new things. And they seemed content and dare I say happy. At least happier than they had been. As for me I had the best hill session in my training to date. But I can’t translate it to anything tangible. Yet I know the next opportunity I have to race, I will remember I’ve been practicing pressing. So when I’m 17 miles into my next New York City Marathon I’ll press and maybe my body responds. When I hit 800m to go in the Olympic Trials 10,000 I’ll draw my mind back to the hill session where I pressed, when nothing was on the line.

I hit my 20th mile with a nasty last half mile uphill climb. My boys are waiting. We drive to the end of the road, the “end of the world.” Ben has prepared a picnic for the boys, packed my NormaTec boots and a lounge chair. After working for 2 hours, 18 mins the view is everything. It’s not just a backdrop of the Sedona Red Rocks. It’s of my family. And it’s perfection.

I used to think you couldn’t have both. You couldn’t hold space for two truths. Your passion/job and your family. When I became a mom a little part of my confidence faded away. I wondered if I could still set bold goals and have the guts to chase them. Most of the time I’m still figuring out how to balance time, guilt, and space. My life isn’t the same as some other pros and sometimes I feel out of place. But I do know for 2-3 hours of everyday I allow myself to feel like a badass training. Like I’m unstoppable. Like I’ll throw down in the moments I need to. And as I think about the coming days, and months of what I’m trying to achieve, I remind myself, you have to channel that badassery and keep pressing because eventually you’ll respond.

Dream Big

Steph Bruce

2020 Trials: The Road I Traveled

As I crossed the finished line, the disappointment of 6h place grabbed hold of me. Then I saw Aliphine had won, and Kellyn came racing in shortly after me. And we embraced and it was beautiful and satisfying. I then saw 2 faces, yelling “MOMMY.” I cried in the tent. With the mylar blanket wrapped around me and the boys enjoying their lollipop I wondered is that it? Is this the end of my quest? I had so many people in my corner, and Ben gave up and devoted so much time and energy over the last 3 months. We made a pact called Team Bruce, so mom could have the time and space to recover. But I felt failure on my end. I didn’t make the team. As other women walked by in the tent, some stopped and gave me hugs and offered words of encouragement. And for an instant I saw what they saw.

The more time that passes between Atlanta and now, the more I'm fired up. The day was damn near the closest to the best race I've ever run. And I was 6th. In the country. In the marathon. While under a microscope 6th place is just not good enough when it comes to the Olympic Trials, it tells me something. It tells me I did everything I could to prepare for the day. And if you know you gave it all but came up short, isn’t that what we strive for. It’s that what I want to show my boys.

It tells me I was right 10 years ago for having the audacity to think I could make an Olympic Team. For uprooting myself and moving away from Ben, to Flagstaff and trying again. You see I had plenty of reasons to tell me you don’t deserve this dream. You haven’t run times anywhere near what is needed to be a professional runner and even loftier an Olympian. Yet one reason stuck out and made the most noise in my head. WHY the f not? What’s the worst that can happen, you don’t make it? Turns out others were right and you’re not fast enough, good enough to compete for a living. Well in that case I’ll find another job, use my college degree, I’m still only 26.

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It’s December 17th 2019 and the cold temps are creeping in. A beanie and gloves is a necessity for every run. On one particular blistery morning, we meet at Coach Ben’s house for a workout. He gives it to us straight. “Look everyone today is going to be shitty. It’s cold and very windy, and you’ll be into the wind for a good portion of the session. And it’s not just the weather forecasting we are brooding over it’s the workout. 16 x 400 @ 77 pace with 200m jog. 5 mins rest. 3 mile tempo on a hilly neighborhood loop to simulate Atlanta. And if you’re not tired yet, finish the tempo and run 8 x 30 seconds on, 45 seconds off. When I began this training cycle I knew 2 things. I knew I was going to have to work harder and take more risks than I ever had. Sometimes a risk means letting go of your teammates when the effort is far to great for you to feel like you can finish it off. Other times a risk is to shut off the doubtful voices in your head, and just fing go for it.

I held on to Kellyn and Aliphine in practice more than I ever had in the past. We worked extremely hard, we took turns, we pulled one another, we bonded. We formed a deep connection through blood, sweat, and tears. These ladies became my lifeline in this build up. I will cherish these 3 months together and know what an impact they had on my life and career. In late 2019 I sought a better version of myself, and I found her. Although I did not fulfill my dream of making the US Olympic Team, I showed myself I do belong here, doing this. 

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I didn't always. Truthfully my last 5 marathons were crap. To the outside viewer they might have appeared excellent. But to me, who knows what I'm capable of and the work I put in, I fell short. Every. Single. Time. Now it wasn't for lack of effort. Something in my body was just failing me. I'd be training hard and in the thick of my build up, flowing, workouts fatiguing my legs but callousing them as well. And then it would happen. Like the flip of a switch. I'd start tanking. I'd feel heavy legged, couldn't sleep, hitting my times was a huge grind. Not just one workout but all of them in the ensuing weeks. I'd get blood tested and my body was out of whack. There were so many levels that seemed to be messed up but I could never pinpoint which one. So I played a guessing game of what was the culprit. Was it my iron that dropped, my folate or b12. Was it because have the I MTFHR gene and my body doesn't convert Folate into usable energy so it just sits stagnant? Was I simply overtraining? It had to be stemming from the gut. The stress epicenter of the body. That made the most sense. Great, I had an answer. Or did I? 

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I drafted the email and opened with this: “Steph Bruce here! I know it's been a while since we last chatted. In a nutshell I have had some gut issues over the last 18 months that I believe are affecting my recovery and performance at times. With the Olympic Trials coming up in February I'm trying to cover all my bases and make sure I am fueling well and getting nourished. Not exactly sure what I'm asking for but wanted to get the conversation started. Hear from you soon!" I sent it to Lottie Bildrici and we put plans into motion. You see I had heard of Lottie back in 2016 when she helped Kara Goucher prepare for the marathon trials. Kara ran one of her best races and attributes so much to her work with Lottie. I was at a point where I was going to sink her swim. Something needed to change and starting with my gut and overhauling my approach to nutrition seemed like a move I could handle and control. 

So Lottie came out to Flagstaff, once a month for 4 months. We started a food log. We looked at what I was eating, how my stomach handled it in training, how I was recovering. Lottie asked questions, she did research. She was patient with me and thought outside the box. Lottie, thank you. I logged what I felt like when I woke up each morning. We cut out unnecessary sugars and corn to reduce inflammation. We added more veggies and whole grains to all my meals. I felt stronger. We indulged my sweet tooth with desserts that were richer in nutrient dense calories. I was having breakthroughs in workouts. We tested gels and carbohydrate drinks during my long runs and workouts. It was messy at times, and I wanted to throw in the towel some mornings. But we forged ahead. We tweaked the timing of breakfast pre run. We made a plan, practiced it in training, and implemented it on race week. And it damn near worked. I showed up the best version of myself in the marathon on February 29th 2020. I was 19 seconds from making the Olympic Team.

And 12 years after I started. I am still here, still standing. And truly believe there's more to come. 

Dream Big

Steph Bruce

RELENTLESS: Chicago Marathon 2019

“Sometimes going in one more round when you don’t think you can. That makes all the difference in your life. -Rocky Balboa”

By now if you have been following me you must know I’m a huge Rocky movie buff and will take any opportunity to insert a quote into my story. It occurred to me a few years ago why I have this connection to the Rocky movies and to Rocky himself. One part is that Sly Stallone reminds me of my father in many ways. My dad was a tough guy from the east coast, loved the gym and lifting, and maybe looked a little like Stallone to me. We used to watch all the movies together so in a way when I replay the movies I connect with dad each time, which I have missed since 2002 when he passed away. The other part is that Rocky Balboa is a total dark house and overcomes insurmountable odds, often struggles as a man to find his identity, wants to raise his son as a strong and confident boy, and is relentless in those last rounds of all his fights. And those things resonate with me.

The 2019 Chicago Marathon wasn’t everything that I wanted. But it was everything that I needed. I had big goals. I took risks. I went through halfway in 1:12:56, faster than any marathon by over a minute. I didn’t make it at that pace but I found my limits. As I posted on twitter I crapped my pants around mile 22. To give you an insider’s view to the dialogue between Ben and I at mile 22. I said “I am going to the bathroom. He turns and says “ok there’s a bridge you can duck out to up here on the side of the road.” I reply “no I mean past tense, I already WENT to the bathroom.” I will be brutally honest. This was mortifying to me. And I have had my share of moments post partum that felt like an all time low. But this one takes the cake. I knew it was possible but as athletes we practice everything and stick to routine to ensure no surprises to the body on race day and maintain regularity. But my gut has been an issue for me over the last 18 months to 2 years. I crossed my fingers that I would have no issues on race day. But it happened and happened very quickly. Can I laugh about it now? Absolutely.

So now I’m 4 miles from the finish and I’m struggling. And I have crap on my legs. It is not what envisioned this fall while training out on Lake Mary Road. Instead of storming home I was crawling home. I wanted to yell to Ben “I’m trying so hard but I can’t move any faster.” He stayed with me after his official pace duties were over and I knew he could sense how much I was slipping from our pace. He would unintentionally gap me as I kept slowing each mile. I had run 30k at 2:25ish pace and I was losing my goals every step. But you know what happens in those moments? You discover why you run and what you’re really in this for. In those raw, exposed moments you can see how much fight you have in you. Nothing else mattered but getting to the finish line. And not just for me. For all the people who have my back. Too many to name and thank. But I’ll try. Ben, Josh, Carrie, Jen, Larry, my teammates, my best friends, Shea, Bradley, Wes, AJ, JB, Dahna, the Rothsteins, the Bruces, the amazing and loyal fans. I am fighting to the finish line for you guys. I want to hold myself accountable for the goals and purpose I put out there. Because in one way or another you have impacted my journey. I know you won’t be disappointed in me no matter how I finish, but your support means the world.

Hi everyone, please enjoy the season Finale of Relentless. Chicago Marathon was an amazing experience. I poured everything into this build up and race. I finished in 6th place with a time of 2:27:47, a new PB. Chicago wasn't everything I wanted but it was everything I needed.

Training and racing Chicago began with the intention of being RelentIess. It turned into so much more that I am grateful for. I have this 2nd chance in my running career post babies. The timeline might not always match up with what I want but I know it’s my path and I own it. I found out that I fight the hardest when I’m the furthest from my goals. Because that’s when it’s needed most. Because everyone can forge ahead when they’re feeling good and on the brink of success. I often don’t vividly remember my best races because they came so effortlessly to me. But the races you remember are the ones you earned. I earned my 6th place and 2:27:47 at Chicago through blood, sweat, tears, and a little crap.

Thanks to everyone for following along this build up and race. Here’s to carrying momentum into the winter and showing up to the starting line of the Olympic Marathon Trials February 29th healthy and with a fighting chance to try and make the team.

-STEPH BRUCE